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A Sommelier’s Guide To Dining Out (And Killing It)
Tips from a sommelier on how to maximize your enjoyment of an evening out to dinner.
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PEOPLE NEED CULTS
The BeyHive…the Swifties…believers in gods…yoga practitioners…gun nuts…comic book collectors…Trump supporters… Why are these things “things”? It’s simple; because people need cults. I know that doesn’t track immediately, so I had a whole long, well-considered, beautifully articulated think-piece constructed as proof-of-concept I was raised in a cult, and know a thing or two about the…
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BACK, Wisconsin!
I am a Son of Wisconsin! America’s Dairyland! Home of the Green Bay Packers! Cheeseheads! Miller Beer! Unusually high levels of morbid obesity! The Wisconsin of my youth was unique; rustic, yet refined…unruly, yet civilized. I used to call it “Smart Texas” (in that we were into guns and hunting and freedom, but also math…
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Kitchen Confidential By Anthony Bourdain (If He Had Been A Server Instead Of A Filthy Line Cook)
In every full-service restaurant there are two worlds: the Front of House…made up of servers and bartenders, and the Back of House…made up of cooks and dishwashers (with bussers and hostesses existing in the mist between). The difference between these clans? Mainly, if you bathe yourself before coming to work, you are FOH. If you…
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Restaurant Secrets: REVEALED!!! “Serve From The Left, Clear From The Right”
SERVE FROM THE LEFT, CLEAR FROM THE RIGHT If you’ve ever worked in a restaurant of any kind you have undoubtedly heard of the policy, “serve from the left, clear from the right”. The idea is that you place things in front of a guest from their left side and remove things from their right,…
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Every Day Is The First Round Of American Idol Auditions
My classical music education began when I was a third-grader and I signed up to play violin in the prestigious Nelson Dewey Elementary School Orchestra. When I was old enough (specifically, a FOURTH-grader), I joined the drum section of the highly elite Nelson Dewey Elementary School Band. The year after that, I picked up a…
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Dear Diary #1: Someone Failed Music History (And Also Probably Regular History)
Someone failed music history (and also probably regular history).
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I Rode My Motorcycle Through Hell (And Also A Few Other States)
Two-thousand eight miles. That was the distance between my past and my future…between where I was and where I belonged…between Nashville and Los Angeles. This is the record of my ride. <cue “Law And Order” GUNG-gung sound> Nashville, Tennessee to Fort Smith, Arkansas fort smith, Arkansas to ______, New mexico. Meh, New mexico to Flagstaff,…
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A Dish and a Bottle #2: Trailer Park “Chopped”
A DISH AND A BOTTLE #2: TRAILER PARK CHOPPED Let’s talk about being poor. Anyone who’s been on the grind has had those nights where that evening’s menu was determined by whatever random ingredients you happened to already have on hand…not because you wanted that stuff (and not because you came home shitfaced and…
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The Most Embarrassing In-Person Purchase I’ve Made Since Porn (In 1991)
“Since dignity is no longer a consideration for me here at Target, why don’t you give me two boxes of Preparation H, a liter of sex jelly, a box of Franzia Fruity Red Sangria, and that copy of The Steve Miller Band’s Greatest Hits on vinyl.” My father texted me to let me know that my…