The BeyHive…the Swifties…believers in gods…yoga practitioners…gun nuts…comic book collectors…Trump supporters…

Why are these things “things”?  It’s simple; because people need cults.  

I know that doesn’t track immediately, so I had a whole long, well-considered, beautifully articulated think-piece constructed as proof-of-concept  I was raised in a cult, and know a thing or two about the topic, so I got to typin’!

About halfway into its composition, I realized it was all just a mass of unnecessary exposition.  Look, just plug the answer “people need cults” into the answer column of almost ANY lingering question you may have about human society and there is a good chance this phrase will inform if not totally explain the issue.

Why?  We are evolved social animals…talking monkeys in matching Tame Impala t-shirts.  It is our nature to seek out individuals most like ourselves, who most directly conform to our ideals and goals, and form insular groupings.  It brings us comfort.  It brings us safety.  It validates us.  It kept us alive in the infancy of our species and it continues to do so today.  

Sure, evolution has also gifted (some of) us with intellectual curiosity…the desire to see the world BEYOND the bubble of what we know and understand, but there are wildly more content bubble occupants than free-thinkers amongst us, hence the density and variety of options available to the cult-seeker.

So the question is not why people need cults; it is why they choose the cults they do.

AND THAT SHIT IS EASY AS FUCK!!!  In order….

Beyoncé is crazy talented!
Taylor Swift is White Beyoncé!
The idea of god makes our existence feel less meaningless!
Yoga makes your butt look AWESOME!
Guns make little people feel big!
Comic books are nerd bibles!

Trump is an 80s action movie in human form (to Trump supporters, anyway)!

You’re welcome.

Yes, I’ll be starting my OWN cult very soon.