A DISH AND A BOTTLE #2: TRAILER PARK CHOPPED

Let’s talk about being poor.  

Anyone who’s been on the grind has had those nights where that evening’s menu was determined by whatever random ingredients you happened to already have on hand…not because you wanted that stuff (and not because you came home shitfaced and decided to make Spam Mac And Cheese with Cocktail Onions and English Muffin Crumble).

Because there just wasn’t money to CHOOSE what you were going to have.  

This turned dinnertime into a kind of trailer park version of Chopped (“Okay, we’ve got this amount of x, this amount of y, and a couple of z’s…what can we make with that?”).  

We did it because we had to but I’m telling you, now that some time and distance have accumulated between myself and those days, I’m feeling a little nostalgic.

So let’s do this…by choice…right now!  As an homage to our brothers and sisters still on the struggle, and to show our gratitude for what we have!

And yes, wine can absolutely be a part of this exercise…thats why we’re all here…but it does require a change in approach.  Specifically, you pick the wine you have sitting around and work the meal plan backwards from there.

Well, I’ve got this bottle of Botticelli Dolce Rosso Lambrusco Dell’Emilia (100% Lambrusco, IGT, $9 at TotalWine) that I have because I LOVE sparkling reds, because Lambrusco is an ancient expression of Italian wine that dates back to the 6th century (NOT to the release of the Riunite version), and because DAMN, that wine is cheap!!!! 

So what pairs well with Lambrusco?  Honestly, almost anything.  The wine is sweet, mildly carbonated (frizzante), and has a low alcohol content, so as long as your food has some weight to it and has some boldness of flavor, Lambrusco should be fine with it.  Ideal?  Nah.  But again…we are working with what we have here.

In this case I’m choosing to focus on the sweetness of this wine.  I don’t buy sweet wines very often, so it seems like a fun, different tack to take.  Which made me remember that sweet with spicy is one of the oldest/best pairings of all-time.  Let’s see…I have some vegetables and some stock on hand.  Hmm.

Spicy Vegetable Soup it is!!!  

“When in doubt, soup.” – somebody, sometime.

Spicy Vegetable Soup with Italian Sausage

Mirepoix (That means carrots, onions, and celery, yo. I’d usually include fresh garlic with this, but I used all the damn garlic yesterday and now my whole life is falling apart.)

Baby Red Potatoes (Chefs will tell you that potato types are very use-specific, but I didn’t go the The Culinary Cheffy Chef Chef Institute or whatever, so I always use baby reds, as I love the little bastards.)

Lower-Sodium Beef Stock (Again…why you bastards have to pre-salt every damn thing?)

Ground Italian Sausage (Here is where I cheated.  I had ZERO protein in my kitchen and I gots to have my meat, so I went to Target and got some.  But I dressed all in black and walked very quietly as I went about my business, so did it even happen?  You don’t know.)

Better Than Bouillon Roasted Chicken Base (Yeah, this should really be BEEF bouillon, but I already cheated on this exercise once, so to hell with it.)

Sunny Paris Seasoning from Penzeys (Penzeys is a KILLER spice company from just outside of Milwaukee.  All of their spices are amazing, but Sunny Paris is my favorite.  No jokes here…just check them out. https://www.penzeys.com )

Vegetable Oil (Have you heard about these lunatics claiming that all oils are evil and are going to conjure Sauramon or some shit?  Whole world has gone crazy, I swear.)

A bit of that Lambrusco (For deglazing the pan, and because its sexy.)

Salt/Pepper (Always.)

Red Pepper Flake (Your MOMS a flake.)

Ground Ginger (Careful with these spices.  You can ruin the whole pot in an instant.)

Ground Turmeric (Did you get that part about being careful?  Good.)

ZERO BAY LEAVES!!!! (I’m no longer propping up Big Bay Leaf by using their stupid, useless, dry-ass shitty nuthin’ leaves.  If you are telling me that you can tell wether or not a bay leaf was used in a soup just from the taste, I am telling YOU that you are on crack, and to take your crack and your lies elsewhere, sir.)

Tabasco Brand Habanero Sauce (Careful.  Liking things spicy and wanting to taste other things in your dish are equally noble policy positions.)

Cooking all this stuff?  Vegetables + Meat + Stock + Seasonings = Soup.  Rocket science it is not.  Feel your way through it.  Have a cocktail while you are cooking.  Pinch your loved one on the butt.  Alone like me?  Put on some Duran Duran and dance like your biker buddies can’t see your candy ass.  Enjoy your damn life, people.  This is all we get.

RESULTS!!!!!!

Okay…let’s be honest with each other, shall we?  We’re all friends here, right?  This wine was absolute GARBAGE.  It is seriously the worst wine I’ve ever had that didn’t have the nickname “Mad Dog”, and I’m not being hyperbolic.  Even at nine dollars, I gotta say that I feel like I just got grifted for at least FIVE.

But therein lies a valuable lesson.  You WILL strike out at the liquor store.  It WILL happen.  Don’t let a crummy bottle now and again stop you from experimenting and taking weird chances.  You’ll be disappointed from time to time, but then “your bottle” finds you and the whole journey becomes worth it.

The only good news here is that the spice level in the soup actually elevated the flavors of the wine a bit, making it a successful pairing (if only by technicality).  Still…no.  HA!!!!

Until next time, my friends!

And remember, a friend is only a lover you haven’t slept with yet.

Cheers!

Marcus.